The Call of Duty League announced a sweeping update to its player conduct policy on Tuesday, introducing mandatory online etiquette workshops hosted by players’ own grandmothers for any competitor flagged for excessive in-game teabagging.
The Call of Duty League announced a sweeping update to its player conduct policy on Tuesday, introducing mandatory online etiquette workshops hosted by players’ own grandmothers for any competitor flagged for excessive in-game teabagging.
The new disciplinary framework, ratified by the league office ahead of the upcoming Major, categorizes three or more rapid crouches over a defeated opponent’s digital corpse as a Tier 2 Conduct Infraction, placing it alongside roster tampering and unauthorized controller modifications. Players cited by the broadcast booth will be suspended without pay until they complete a four-hour video seminar on interpersonal decorum, supervised and actively graded by their maternal or paternal grandmother.
Franchise owners largely supported the initiative's focus on a cleaner broadcast, though several front offices expressed concern over the sheer administrative burden of coordinating the new penalty during a late-season playoff push.
The league expects us to maintain a winning culture, but asking our coaching staff to troubleshoot an eighty-year-old woman's router settings every time a rookie gets too excited in the killcam is a massive strain on franchise resources.
According to a memorandum circulated to team facilities, the mandatory curriculum requires offending athletes to sit upright in a collared shirt while their grandmothers walk them through a presentation titled "Respecting Your Digital Peers" and "Why We Do Not Put Our Virtual Groins On People Who Are Already Down." The league office noted that any failure to maintain eye contact, instances of heavy sighing, or attempting to check a secondary monitor during the call will result in an automatic forfeiture of tournament seeding points.
At press time, the commissioner's office was reportedly drafting a contingency policy to address European players whose grandmothers were discovered actively encouraging the toxic behavior in the lobby chat.