Following his two-stroke penalty for arriving late to his second-round tee time at the US PGA Championship, 25-year-old professional golfer Garrick Higgo has officially parted ways with caddie Austin Gaugert for failing to successfully execute a grown man's morning routine.
Following his two-stroke penalty for arriving late to his second-round tee time at the US PGA Championship, 25-year-old professional golfer Garrick Higgo has officially parted ways with caddie Austin Gaugert for failing to successfully execute a grown man's morning routine.
The split comes after Higgo missed the cut at Valhalla Golf Club, a sporting failure his management team has definitively traced to the man paid to carry his clubs rather than the adult male who possesses autonomous control over his own legs and wristwatch. Gaugert was reportedly relieved of his duties Sunday evening after a thorough internal review of whose fault it was that Higgo remained stationary while a scheduled, well-publicized work appointment rapidly approached.
We are seeking a new caddie who is fully committed to waking Garrick up, laying out his slacks, and holding his hand as they safely cross the street to the clubhouse.
The PGA Tour's stringent punctuality regulations have long been a source of friction for players who prefer to outsource their basic executive functions to independent contractors earning a fractional percentage of their tournament winnings. Golfers frequently rely on their caddies for wind measurements, yardage calculations, and club selection, though Higgo’s camp is reportedly pushing to expand the standard job description to include object permanence, time-telling, and physically ushering a 180-pound adult onto a patch of grass at a predetermined hour.
Representatives for the PGA Tour declined to comment on the staffing change, noting only that the official tournament clock at the first tee box remains visible to anyone with open eyes. Higgo is expected to announce a replacement before the upcoming Charles Schwab Challenge, prioritizing candidates with a strong background in early childhood education and a proven track record of transporting reluctant individuals to their places of employment.