Acknowledging that his late-night departure could have been executed with far more scorched-earth vindictiveness, LSU head coach Lane Kiffin expressed profound regret on Tuesday that his messy exit accidentally left Ole Miss in a position to make a College Football Playoff run.
Kiffin, who abruptly abandoned the Rebels just weeks before the postseason to sign a lucrative deal in Baton Rouge, told reporters he has spent months agonizing over his failure to properly gut the coaching staff and salt the earth at Vaught-Hemingway Stadium. The veteran coach admitted that his chaotic departure was ultimately half-hearted, allowing the program to quickly regroup and succeed instead of spiraling into a multi-year dark age.
When a coach of Lane's caliber transitions between SEC programs, the expectation is that he leaves behind a smoldering crater that will take the boosters a decade to rebuild.
Kiffin noted that in his haste to finalize his LSU contract, he completely forgot to convince the Rebels' starting quarterback to enter the transfer portal or leak fabricated NCAA recruiting violations to the national press. The resulting locker room stability, he explained, tragically allowed Ole Miss to pass the eye test and mount a surprising postseason campaign without his direct supervision.
Addressing the media ahead of spring practice, the LSU coach promised Tigers fans that whenever he inevitably abandons Baton Rouge for a slightly more lucrative SEC rival, he will ensure the athletic department's server room is set on fire before his private jet takes off.