Following the World No. 1's pre-tournament press conference in which he noted that "we’re all going to die," the league office has clarified that grappling with the meaningless void of human existence must still be completed within the 40-second shot clock.
Scheffler, who missed his first cut in 79 tournaments at the Scottish Open last week, arrived at the Open Championship in an unusually philosophical mood, telling reporters that his legacy does not matter because his life will inevitably end. While analysts praised the realization as a valuable intangible that could keep his wrists loose in the heavy fescue, the league office quickly moved to ensure the existential clarity would not disrupt the weekend broadcast window.
We respect that the terrifying, inescapable march of time comes for us all, but players are still expected to select an iron and address the ball without undue delay.
Front office personnel for several major sponsors have expressed quiet concern over the development, noting that a champion entirely at peace with his own physical decay might not aggressively pursue FedEx Cup points down the stretch. Broadcasters have also been instructed to have their rules analysts on standby in case Scheffler’s profound acceptance of life's brevity causes him to pick up his ball and walk into the sea.
Scheffler’s caddie spent the remainder of Tuesday afternoon attempting to redirect the golfer's focus away from the infinite abyss and back toward a slight left-to-right break on the practice green.