Belgian cyclist Remco Evenepoel strongly condemned the "inhuman" practice of middle-of-the-night doping controls on Sunday, arguing that a 3 a.m. knock on a hotel door severely compromises a rider's ability to safely pedal a bicycle up a mountain until his heart explodes.
Evenepoel, who secured a stage victory after spending six hours dragging his emaciated frame up a 15-percent gradient in 95-degree heat, told reporters the governing body needs to respect player load management. He noted that the 10-minute urine sample entirely threw off the circadian rhythm required to survive three consecutive weeks of self-inflicted cardiovascular trauma.
The 24-year-old rider stressed that the invasive testing protocols show a blatant disregard for the physical well-being of men who are currently participating in a rolling, multi-stage starvation experiment.
It is frankly barbaric to wake a young man at 3 a.m. for paperwork when he needs that sleep to safely hurl his body down a mountain at 60 miles per hour in spandex. We have to protect the riders' health so they can continue to actively risk their lives for our broadcast partners.
The controversy over athlete welfare comes just hours after defending two-time champion Jonas Vingegaard crashed out of the race, effectively passing the eye test that careening off a Pyrenean descent on 25-millimeter tires is the only sanctioned method of bodily destruction. Vingegaard was evacuated by ambulance, a process race organizers confirmed was carried out during daylight hours and was therefore completely humane.
At press time, Evenepoel was seen zipping himself into a pressurized cryogenic recovery chamber, eagerly awaiting the start of Stage 16, a brisk 180-kilometer ride expected to permanently alter his bone density.