After raising the costs of nearly all its other hardware products, the tech giant confirmed it has absolutely not forgotten to dramatically overcharge for its flagship device.
CUPERTINO, CA — Addressing widespread fears that the tech giant had fundamentally lost its edge, Apple moved quickly on Tuesday to reassure consumers that punishing, largely unjustifiable iPhone price hikes are still on the way.
The public panic began early Monday after Apple announced a wave of price increases across its iPad and MacBook lines, citing the unprecedented cost of memory chips, but mysteriously left the flagship iPhone at its current price tier.
"We understand that our core users rely on us to aggressively inflate the cost of their primary communication device every twelve months," an Apple spokesperson said in a prepared statement, confirming the company had absolutely not forgotten to financially devastate its loyal user base. "Please be patient. The memory chips are expensive, and we are working around the clock to ensure you bear the absolute maximum brunt of that reality."
Industry analysts were quick to corroborate the company’s commitment to making its electronics unaffordable. Speaking on "Bloomberg Tech" with Ed Ludlow, IDC analyst Nabila Popal confirmed that Apple is merely biding its time.
When Apple failed to immediately pass the crushing burden of global supply chain logistics onto the iPhone buyer, we saw a lot of anxiety in the market.
Popal noted that Apple traditionally prefers to delay price hikes until consumers have already emotionally committed to upgrading their devices, ensuring the maximum possible friction at checkout.
At press time, Apple engineers were reportedly experimenting with ways to justify the upcoming $300 price increase by introducing a slightly more matte finish to the device's titanium bezel.