In a new promotional campaign for its enterprise suite, Google has confirmed that the founding of the United States was a deeply inefficient workflow that could have been seamlessly resolved using cloud-based collaboration tools.
The commercial, which opens with the text "Group project, but make it 1776," depicts a fictionalized Benjamin Franklin texting Thomas Jefferson to check on the status of their shared document. According to the technology giant, the historical simulation proves that the Continental Congress wasted months agonizing over colonial grievances when they could have simply prompted the Gemini artificial intelligence model to generate five actionable takeaways regarding British tyranny.
By leveraging the Workspace ecosystem, the framers could have easily bypassed the tedious ideation phase of human rights and gone straight to deployment.
The broadcast spot highlights how the delegates could have utilized the platform's version history to quietly roll back radical amendments, or relied on the smart compose feature to automatically finish sentences about unalienable rights. Company executives noted that replacing the grueling process of philosophical debate with a predictive text algorithm would have saved the early Americans countless hours of unnecessary critical thinking.
Internal memos from the product launch suggest the marketing team originally planned to showcase George Washington using the Google Cloud platform to optimize his troop movements across the Delaware River at scale. The sequence was ultimately deprecated after test audiences found the visual of freezing soldiers checking their calendar invites distracting.
A planned follow-up campaign will reportedly demonstrate how Abraham Lincoln could have avoided the trip to Pennsylvania entirely by summarizing the Gettysburg Address in a company-wide Google Chat.