Calling it a “historic moment” for the city, Hong Kong Chief Executive John Lee announced Sunday that the region’s first astronaut will bring its robust crackdown on civil liberties to the Chinese space station.
Launching alongside two mainland taikonauts, the former cyber-crime inspector will spend six months aboard the Tiangong orbital outpost. Official mission parameters indicate the astronaut will divide his time between routine microgravity experiments and conducting surprise zero-gravity raids on his crewmates' personal laptops to search for unauthorized VPNs.
For too long, the exosphere has operated as a lawless vacuum where astronauts could potentially harbor unpatriotic sentiments without fear of immediate state retribution.
Aerospace experts noted that while traditional astronauts are trained in orbital mechanics and astrophysics, Hong Kong’s chosen representative brings unparalleled expertise in extracting deleted WhatsApp messages from seized electronics. His doctorate in computer forensics is expected to prove vital in ensuring that no encrypted pro-democracy transmissions are beamed into the Pearl River Delta from 250 miles above the Earth.
Speaking at a press conference, Lee praised the former police officer’s extensive track record of locating citizens who posted offensive memes on Telegram, calling it the perfect foundation for China’s celestial ambitions.
At press time, the astronaut was reportedly undergoing rigorous centrifuge training to prepare for the immense physical toll of confiscating floating USB drives.