The open-source consortium announced Tuesday that it has merged a new behavioral standard designed to suppress the heavy, shuddering exhalations produced by sole developers of critical infrastructure.
The Linux Foundation announced Tuesday it has formally ratified a new standard aimed at halting the deep, trembling exhalations routinely emitted by unpaid developers maintaining the global digital supply chain. The protocol, designated RFC 9402, targets the prolonged sighs that often escape maintainers when they receive bug reports from trillion-dollar enterprise companies demanding immediate free support.
Implementation of the standard will require open-source contributors to silently absorb their despair rather than vocalizing it on community video calls. Audio filters deployed across all Foundation-sponsored collaboration tools will automatically detect the distinct acoustic signature of a developer realizing they will spend their weekend patching a vulnerability in a parsing library they wrote as a hobby in 2013. Upon detection, the software immediately mutes the microphone before the sigh can reach corporate sponsors.
Enterprise stakeholders rely on our ecosystem, and it is simply not professional for the sole architect of a foundational routing protocol to sound that tired.
Within hours of the rollout, a splinter group of Debian package maintainers had already discovered a technical workaround, successfully routing a continuous stream of quiet, muffled weeping through an unmonitored secondary audio channel.