Condemning the technology giant’s consistently lax moderation policies, Malaysian Communications Minister Fahmi Fadzil announced Tuesday that the government is exploring legal action against Meta for its ongoing failure to reliably identify which Facebook users possess a divine mandate.
KUALA LUMPUR — Condemning the technology giant’s consistently lax moderation policies, Malaysian Communications Minister Fahmi Fadzil announced Tuesday that the government is exploring legal action against Meta for its ongoing failure to reliably distinguish between commoners and users ordained by God.
Fadzil told state news agency Bernama that Meta’s platforms have become overrun with fake accounts impersonating the nation’s Malay rulers, creating a dangerous environment where unverified peasants can illegally harvest the blind, unearned reverence legally reserved for actual royalty. The communications ministry has reportedly issued several warnings to the Silicon Valley firm, demanding immediate technical solutions to ensure that only legitimate, state-sanctioned monarchs are permitted to post blurry yacht selfies.
It is entirely unacceptable that a multibillion-dollar technology company cannot deploy a simple algorithm to detect whether a user possesses a centuries-old aristocratic bloodline.
According to the ministry's findings, the fake royal accounts have spent months posting mundane updates about their morning tea and issuing vague, platitude-filled holiday greetings to the public. Officials emphasized that under Malaysian law, the distribution of painfully boring, low-resolution photographs of palace gardens is the exclusive, sacred purview of the nine hereditary state rulers, and any infringement severely undercuts the solemnity of the institution.
Internal documents suggest Meta has struggled to comply with the government's demands, privately noting to regulators that its current identity verification tools rely heavily on government-issued ID and two-factor authentication rather than analyzing a user's genetic proximity to the 15th-century Malacca Sultanate. The company's automated moderation systems have reportedly failed to consistently flag accounts that lack a divine mandate, leading to widespread confusion among subjects seeking a monarch to blindly praise in the comment section.
At press time, Meta executives had offered a compromise to introduce an exclusive "Chosen by the Almighty" blue checkmark tier for $14.99 a month, a proposal Malaysian officials immediately rejected as insufficiently deferential.