The AI image generator is expanding its portfolio beyond visual hallucinations to corner the market on algorithmic make-believe.
In a strategic move to consolidate the market for automated make-believe, artificial intelligence startup Midjourney announced Thursday it has acquired the personalized astrology app Co-Star to scale the production of completely fabricated futures.
The undisclosed deal will allow the AI company to transition from generating photorealistic images of nonexistent events to generating highly detailed, absolute certainties about why a user’s romantic life is currently failing. Industry analysts noted the acquisition gives Midjourney immediate access to millions of daily active users who are already conditioned to accept unverified daily prompts as unalterable truth.
Both of our platforms take a meaningless string of inputs and return a confidently generated reality that users immediately use to justify major life decisions.
According to an internal roadmap, Midjourney plans to deprecate Co-Star’s reliance on actual NASA planetary tracking data. The legacy system will be replaced by a proprietary neural network designed to simply hallucinate entirely new celestial bodies whenever a user needs an excuse for missing a deadline at work. Early beta testers reported receiving daily horoscopes accompanied by ultra-realistic, unprompted ultrasound scans of a new zodiac sign, which appeared to possess seven glowing fingers.
At press time, the newly integrated application had advised a plurality of its user base that their current financial stagnation was directly caused by an impending planetary alignment located entirely within a generated image of a 1980s Denny’s.