Currently held in a federal detention facility pending his removal from the United States, far-right provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos issued a statement Tuesday commending U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement for their steadfast commitment to deporting him.
The British national, who built a lucrative media career demanding draconian crackdowns on immigrants, praised the agents who apprehended him as "consummate professionals." According to facility logs, Yiannopoulos spent his intake processing thanking officers for refusing to let his conservative credentials deter them from executing the exact indiscriminate purge of foreign nationals he had long advocated for.
Mr. Yiannopoulos has spent years demanding the immediate expulsion of foreign operatives who bring nothing but cultural decay to our great nation, and we are deeply honored to finally provide him with that exact service.
Witnesses at the Louisiana processing center reported that the detained troll spent his first night offering unsolicited advice to the guards on how to make the holding cells more degrading. Facility staff noted that Yiannopoulos repeatedly asked them to turn down the heating and remove his mattress, arguing that a softer environment might fail to deter future European podcasters from overstaying their visas.
By Wednesday morning, Yiannopoulos had reportedly filed a formal grievance with the Department of Homeland Security, aggressively demanding that the officers escorting him to his deportation flight refer to him using at least one ethnic slur before forcing him onto the plane.