The Japanese billionaire and the French president have reportedly finalized plans for an ambitious artificial intelligence facility that will allow SoftBank to lose billions of dollars on European soil.
PARIS — SoftBank Group Corp. founder Masayoshi Son has reportedly held talks with President Emmanuel Macron to finalize plans for an ambitious artificial intelligence data center that will serve as the Japanese conglomerate's next catastrophic financial ruin.
Son reportedly pitched the French president on a sprawling, state-of-the-art facility outside Paris designed specifically to incinerate capital at speeds previously thought impossible without investing in a shared-workspace startup. The proposed data center would require the electrical output of three nuclear reactors, all of which would be dedicated to powering server racks that SoftBank plans to abruptly liquidate for pennies on the dollar by early 2027.
For his part, Macron has aggressively courted the project, eager to position France as a premier global destination for catastrophic tech investments. The French president reportedly assured Son that local tax incentives would make it easier than ever for SoftBank to panic-sell the facility's cooling units and copper wiring when the generative AI hype cycle inevitably collapses.
France has a proud history of engineering marvels, and we are thrilled that Mr. Son has chosen our nation as the site of his next spectacular financial crater. This $15 billion write-down will create dozens of temporary construction jobs before sitting completely abandoned for decades as a monument to the year 2024.
SoftBank representatives noted that the French data center is merely phase one of a broader European strategy. The Vision Fund is reportedly already scouting locations in Germany for an advanced robotics hub that will fail to produce a single functioning prototype before quietly filing for bankruptcy.