Following a massive expansion of its operational purview, the U.S. Space Force announced Tuesday it will spend up to $30 billion on commercial rocket launches designed to safely propel its mounting list of administrative duties into the vacuum of space.
Following a massive expansion of its operational purview, the U.S. Space Force announced Tuesday it will spend up to $30 billion on commercial rocket launches designed to safely propel its mounting list of administrative duties into the vacuum of space.
Pentagon officials confirmed the procurement strategy will rely heavily on SpaceX and United Launch Alliance to strap thousands of pages of strategic readiness mandates, orbital defense requirements, and unread emails onto heavy-lift vehicles and fire them completely out of the solar system. The multi-billion-dollar expenditure is expected to clear the branch’s terrestrial backlog by achieving escape velocity for all remaining 2026 deliverables.
When President Trump handed us a 400-page mandate to militarize the lunar surface by next quarter, we realized conventional shredding simply wouldn't be enough," said Gen. Thomas Halpern, Deputy Chief of Orbital Evasion for the Space Force. "For $30 billion, we can guarantee these action items either burn up upon atmospheric reentry or achieve a stable orbit where they can never be assigned to anyone.
The unprecedented contract will reportedly utilize the Falcon Heavy to transport several tons of congressional oversight inquiries to the Kuiper Belt. Sources indicate the branch is also evaluating Blue Origin's New Glenn rocket to permanently relocate its human resources division to a remote Lagrange point.
At press time, Space Force engineers were being commended for a highly successful, fully intentional catastrophic payload anomaly that deposited the department's latest performance review forms into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.