Nate Sloan and Charlie Harding confirmed Tuesday they have finally neutralized the infectious groove of the Carly Rae Jepsen hit, leaving behind only dry academic explanations of its chord progressions.
LOS ANGELES — Following a grueling decade-long auditory investigation, the hosts of the *Switched on Pop* podcast announced Tuesday that they have successfully dismantled Carly Rae Jepsen’s 2011 hit "Call Me Maybe" into 400 completely joyless, theoretically pristine components.
Musicologist Nate Sloan and journalist Charlie Harding confirmed during a morning press conference that the track's infectious, bubblegum-pop energy has been entirely neutralized. By aggressively isolating the song's stems and subjecting the chorus to rigorous mixolydian scale analysis, the duo has permanently cured listeners of the urge to roll down their car windows and sing along.
For years, civilians were recklessly enjoying this track at parties without once considering the harmonic implications of its synthesized string stabs.
The breakthrough was reportedly achieved by routing the track's isolated bassline through a complex chain of boutique guitar pedals while consuming raw, fresh vegetables to maintain the sterile, clinical detachment required to destroy a perfect pop hook. Harding noted that once they mathematically proved the pre-chorus was just a standard I-IV-V progression artificially enhanced by the stack, the song’s emotional resonance immediately collapsed into a dry, academic spreadsheet.
At press time, the hosts were preparing to upload the song's deprecated melodic architecture to a GitHub repo so other musicology students could analyze the corpse of the hook at scale.