Following a decade of critically acclaimed electro-pop, the indie duo confirmed Tuesday that their musical catalog was merely a stepping stone toward pressuring the public into buying premium dairy.
Amelia Meath and Nick Sanborn admitted that their 2014 breakout single "Hey Mami" and the fragile sonic textures of their album "Free Love" were carefully engineered to put listeners in a vulnerable, easily manipulated state regarding their grocery budgets. The band noted that the hypnotic synth lines were specifically calibrated to make fans feel inadequate about consuming mass-market probiotics.
Sanborn explained that the low-key, minimalist production on their self-titled debut was designed to create an acoustic vacuum that could only be filled by the rich, velvet mouthfeel of a grass-fed Icelandic cultured milk product. He added that anyone still eating yogurt from a plastic cup with a foil lid simply lacks the emotional depth required to truly understand their synthesizers.
You can't just walk up to a stranger and demand they buy a fourteen-dollar glass jar of sheep's milk skyr, which is why Amelia and Nick had to soften them up with three albums of ethereal dance tracks first.
The duo's upcoming stadium dates will reflect the pivot, abandoning traditional merchandise tables in favor of heavily guarded refrigeration units stocked entirely with small-batch kefir and violently expensive Greek yogurts. VIP ticket packages will no longer offer meet-and-greets, but will instead feature a mandatory 45-minute slide presentation in which Meath outlines the devastating acoustic consequences of consuming high-fructose fruit-on-the-bottom blends.
At press time, Meath was reportedly pausing a vocal take to inform a sound engineer that his choice of conventional low-fat vanilla was actively ruining the mix.