The United States government officially achieved unprecedented technological supremacy on Tuesday after President Donald Trump signed an executive order upgrading all federal algorithms to "Super Intelligence" via a mandatory, government-wide find-and-replace operation.
The sweeping directive requires all executive branch agencies to immediately cease acknowledging the existence of "artificial intelligence." Instead, federal webmasters and policy aides have been instructed to press Ctrl-H on thousands of internal documents, ensuring that the nation's machine learning models instantly become super without requiring any additional compute.
Silicon Valley has spent billions trying to increase parameter counts and data center capacity to reach the next frontier of cognition, but it turns out the fastest way to get there was just highlighting the old acronym and typing a better adjective.
White House officials briefed reporters on the sudden leap in computing power, explaining that the term "artificial" sounded fake and weak. By contrast, the President noted in the Oval Office that "super" is "the best word of all, and it's the simplest," instantly catapulting American technological capabilities past those of global rivals who are still stuck using regular, non-super intelligence.
The linguistic infrastructure pivot is already causing cascading effects across the private sector. Major defense contractors and technology firms seeking federal grants spent Tuesday morning hastily crossing out the letters "AI" on their corporate slide decks and writing the word "Super" over them in permanent marker to ensure compliance with the new procurement roadmap.
At press time, the administration was reportedly preparing a follow-up directive to resolve the federal deficit by officially renaming it the "Tremendous National Surplus."