Chi Xu, founder and CEO of Google augmented reality partner Xreal, declared Monday that the tech sector has reached a historic turning point in its quest to beam unskippable advertisements straight into users' eyeballs.
Xu noted that after years of struggling with bulky hardware and poor battery life, the industry has finally mastered the notoriously tricky science of ensuring a consumer cannot look at their own children without also seeing a transparent notification for 15 percent off at Old Navy.
The new lightweight frames allow wearers to experience a constant, disorienting stream of Slack messages, targeted marketing, and algorithmic content recommendations while appearing to stare blankly at the wall. Xu emphasized that earlier iterations like Google Glass failed because they simply did not push the digital clutter close enough to the visual cortex.
We have spent billions of dollars and countless engineering hours to solve the fundamental problem of human vision, which is that it currently does not monetize the physical space between your pupil and the outside world.
The company's upcoming flagship model will reportedly feature advanced spatial tracking to ensure that a glowing, translucent video of a podcast host perfectly obscures the wearer's view of oncoming traffic.
Google executives praised the ongoing partnership, confirming that the new glasses will finally allow the search giant to track exactly what users are looking at when they frantically wave their hands to close a floating promotional banner.